we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
