For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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