i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
