Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I lost the right to judge tonight
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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