Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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