And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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