If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
