Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
