I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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