You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
