Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls

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(816): View more from Missouri

at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?

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(703): View more from Virginia

Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution

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(618): View more from Illinois

You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.

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(519): View more from Ontario

she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister

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(803): View more from South Carolina

On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror

(251): View more from Alabama

If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that

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