Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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