You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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