Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
