I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
