when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
