There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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