Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
