Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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