I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Everclear isn't food dammit
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