Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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