see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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