An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
