I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
