I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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