a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
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I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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