dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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