I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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