last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
