yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
