nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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