Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
