I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
