Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
