Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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