I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
