i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
