you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
