pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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