ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize