Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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