He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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