: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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