oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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