I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
