Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
