sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
