Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
