So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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