At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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