she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
do nipples grow back?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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