"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
