Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
