Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
