omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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