So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
