fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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