Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
